is there a way to say find the words "the" between x and y, then say what is in the cell to the left or right of those words?
There is likely a better solution, but . . .

Say A1 holds the phrase "see the dog run"

B1 formula: =LEFT(A1,FIND("the",A1,1)-1)
B1 result = See

C1 formula: =TRIM(MID(A1,FIND(" ",A1,FIND("the",A1,1)),LEN(A1)-(FIND("the",A1,1))))
C1 result = dog run

Last question is how do you name a set of data?
See the link for help on named ranges: Contextures - Named Ranges