# Off Topic > The Water Cooler >  >  OT #1 -- week ending Sun 13-Dec-09

## teylyn

Introducing a new Excelforum Tradition

*The Off Topic thread*

Off Topic  is a weekly thread for all things that cross your mind and that you can not offload elsewhere. Each thread runs for a week and is started on a Monday.

Everybody can start a new OT thread, but please check that no other OT thread already exists for the current week, and please make sure to mention the closing date in the thread title. Maybe the friendly mods can close an OT thread after its use-by date has expired.

Of course, posters in the Asia/Pacific region have a much higher chance to start an OT thread, unless they're beaten by MDW returning from the opening of a new Mojito bar or DO working overtime.

*What is this all about?*

Well, we'll see, won't we?

When the forum runs slow, people tend to look at the Water Cooler more, trying to find distraction and fun in this forum. 

Some OT stuff may be suitable for the Joke thread and should add to the valuable collection in there. Other stuff may be best suited in the Brilliant Threads or Bad Threads slot. Some stuff may not fit anywhere, and that's where the OT thread opens up.

So, not to clutter up other threads with friendly banter, here is the thread just for that. 

Post what's on your mind (mind the gap!). Maybe set a challenge or a topic for a week and see what others think. 

Topics can be anything. They don't have to be put on any official agenda, but maybe sometimes it will help to kick something off.

In other (non-Excel) forums, I found Foo and OT threads that really melded the community. Share (or don't and just read stealthily), read and enjoy, and get to know the other regulars on this forum a bit better.

A lot of posters here are slam-bam-Thank-you-Sir-([quote=teylyn]actually, it's "Ma'm"- cheers - teylyn[/quote]) in and out affairs. But some people stick around or come back for more. The Water Cooler and the OT threads can help tie valuable Excel afficionados to this forum.

Snoop around and see what's interesting. 

Sooooooooo..... drrrrrummmmm rollllll

I'll kick off the inaugural OT thread and challenge you all to share some thoughts, things that pleased you this week, things that p*ssed you off, stuff that you always wanted to vent.

If nothing comes to mind, as a bonus for the first OT thread, I'll give three suggestions for possible topics to rattle your brains.

*1. What annoys you most during the first 24 days of December?*

*2. Share your most embarrassing foreign-language experience!*

*3. What is your most-hated Excel/Office "helpful" feature?*

In the now well-established tradition of seeding new posting areas, I'll kick off with a reply to my own thread.

If it dies, it dies. But maybe there'll be enough critical mass to keep it alive.

Long live the friendly banter.

cheers

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## teylyn

This one's for Jo-Jo, but y'all can read it if you like. About the most embarrasing foreign language experience ....

About 15 years ago I was working for an international consulting company. My office was based in NY, although I was stationed in Germany, a satellite that took care of the European branches. Lots of travelling involved. Main languages in the office were German and English, but in dealing with the other branches there was a good mix of other stuff.

I had just been on a three week stint in Milano, Italy, and then got posted to Madrid, Spain, to do training in some stuff.

Stuff'ed is what I was, really. Spain is closed between 2pm and 9 pm. Lunch break. There may be a bit of work going on between 3pm and 5pm, but when you hit the road after (what I considered) regular office hours, the city was pretty dead. Restaurants don't open until 9 or 10 pm, unless you want a sub-standard cheap Chinese r.ip-off.

After a week of back to back computer teaching (can't even remember what ...) I stumbled out of the office, and, hungry as I was I knew I wouldn't get any decent nourishment for at least another five hours. 

So I decided to do it the Spanish way, and sleep it out until 11 pm. To help me get into the sleepy mood, I wanted to pick up a six-pack of beer from a little corner shop. Actually, a four-pack. They didn't do six packs there and then.

So, on my walk from the office to the hotel, I duck into the corner shop and proudly present the owner with what I considered my best version of Spanish to date:

"Kwattro birra, por favor  :Smilie: "

The guy looked at me blankly for a few seconds, bit down hard, swallowed, and said

"Cerveca!"

I had to repeat the correct word before he would sell it to me.

Dang Italians!!

PS: _Mi dispiace, non intendo offendere alcun italiani. Vi preghiamo di comprendere che era la mia stessa confusione che ha causato la situazione. Amo l'Italia! - Grazie!_

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## martindwilson

What annoys you most during the first 24 days of December?
well in the uk
1.i'm a celebritity get me out of here  and the x factor on t.v.
2. the thought of all that xmas shopping
3. having neighbours around for drinks lol
4. the office xmas party
5.writing out/printing around 150 xmas cards
6. wrapping umpteen prezzies that my mrs buys for people i hardly know.
7. having to fork out £50 + for an xmas tree
8. finding out that 40% of those oh so carefuly stored xmas lights dont work
roll on jan 2!!!
and while teylyn is on the subject  of language . I got to spain and portugal on a regular ish basis well 2x a year each. my spanish far exceeds my portugese  and i keep using gracias instead of obrigado.and tend to give directions in spanish  hmm the dirty looks you get!

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## teylyn

Thanks Martin. How come I knew you'd take to this?  :Smilie: 

*Edit:* Portuguese is a tough one. At least in spoken form. Reading it, one may glean some similarities to Spanish and make sense of it, but trying to pronounce what is written it is well beyond the means of anyone who was born north of the Pyrenees. Yep, of course they won't like "gracias". Spain has been the the arch-enemy for centuries, so one better practises the "obrigado"s and learn about bacalhau ...

BTW, the most strangest Kiwi experience since I started my new life here was today: 

the guy who sold us the xmas tree last year actually rang up and asked if we wanted another one delivered. Not for 50 quid, but merely 25 NZD.  

You normally have to beg NZ businesses to sell you things, because of lack of competition they don't really care, and customer service is mainly non-existent. 

For three months now, we've been trying to get a quote for double glazing off a local company and they'll always promise to reply. But never do. I thought we're in a recession?! Well, it can't be all that bad. 

At least, I've got the blimmin' tree sorted for this year. 

One down. 

150 cards to sign ....

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## khamilton

> *1. What annoys you most during the first 24 days of December?*



It annoys me how quick December gets here and the last 24 days seems to take forever> :Wink:

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## khamilton

> *2. Share your most embarrassing foreign-language experience!*



I really dont have one because I dont speak any other language but english. So when someone says something to me other than english I just give them a little chuckle and nod my head.

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## teylyn

> and the last 24 days seems to take forever



 Yep. And the remaining 7-10 until work starts again are drowned out in a blissful barbecue/strawberry/beach/alcohol blaze. 

At least in NZ  :Smilie:   :Smilie:   :Smilie:

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## Jo-Jo

Hi Teylyn, all,


 I'm kind of surprised and honoured that the 'kick-off' was directed at me and although I have royally mucked up on foreign languages, many times, I can't (off pat) recall any one incident that would be of interest.  


 <thinks>...<but, this is one of those that you needed to see>:-


  I did once once fail to stop at a French/German border (when they were still manned) . I didn't do it intentionally, just going too fast and didn't see it coming!.  


 The next thing I saw was a green Porsche in my rear view and when I was finally pulled over I was presented with two German police officers pointing semi-automatics at me. This was during terrorist times in Germany and I was convinced I was about to be shot and the adrenalin was pumping and I was in all honesty terrified.  


 I was being shouted at in German and couldn't explain that I'd missed seeing the crossing. At the time, I knew a single phrase of German and in one of those moments of pure lunacy and in a non-thinking panic, I blurted out... ich liebe dich. You would not believe the look on the officers faces, nor how stupid I felt as what I said dawned on me. They let me go... and no, there was no long term relationships forged that day!


 Some years later, I accidentally ran another border between Canada and the US. This was on a main highway from Vancouver and recalling my German experience I decided to speed up and just keep going until I could duck off at the first slip.


J.

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## teylyn

Jo-Jo, teeheee. You don't happen to have a photo of the "Grenzer"s face after you uttered the sentence, do you?

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## Jo-Jo

> Jo-Jo, teeheee. You don't happen to have a photo of the "Grenzer"s face after you uttered the sentence, do you?



Teylyn, no, but looking back I wish I had a video of the whole incident.

It can't really be put into words, but my bad    	pronunciation made it funnier as the few seconds for the realisation of what I'd said to register added to the comedy timing.

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## rwgrietveld

Nice one Jo-Jo. We al need a little love sometime and at least it didn't get you shot.

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## darkyam

Jo-Jo, that German story is hilarious.  

I don't really have any foreign language gaffs because, sadly, I've never traveled, but there are numerous company slogans translated either to or from English poorly.  Here's a list of some of them: http://www.ojohaven.com/fun/translation.funnies.html.

As for the first 24 days of December, I don't really have many people to shop for, so most of my shopping is for groceries or necessities for myself and I don't like fighting the crowds at the stores, particularly the at the checkout, all month.  I also wish they'd get rid of all the old claymation specials that they replay every year and stop coming out with the same formulaic Christmas comedies at the box office.  All of them are just variations on a theme from Dickens' A Christmas Carol: one character is a scrooge, scrooge upsets people, people respond in love and kindness, scrooge has an epiphany and changes, Christmas is saved, yippee, closing credits.

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## teylyn

like your new sig, riccardo!


*later:* ouch! where's the code gone? I didn't have a chance to copy it.

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## rwgrietveld

A big thing in the netherlands is the "TOP 2000". One can vote for one (or several) song(s) and the radio station does a countdown NONSTOP !! It starts in 16 days and the last song is being played just before midnight on the 31st of December. I like it myself as it sure beats all those christmas songs on skyradio.

I think you can tune in on this sitehttp://radioplayer.omroep.nl/radio2/...dioplayer.html

It's in flash and stream !! Enjoy.

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## DonkeyOte

Are 2 Unlimited always No1 ?

_I don't want to waste my time..._

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## rwgrietveld

... and if we are going german I remember an embarising moment. I must have been 16 years old when we had a student exchange. We went to Fürstenau and I was going to sleep in the house of a family they had matched with my personality.

As a gift we had to bring someting typically Dutch such as cheese or liquorish. I have no clue what I bought but I remember the face of the lady (mother) I presented it when I said "Vielen Dank dass ich bei dir schlafen kann".

A that time I was not that good looking...

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## mewingkitty

> ..when I said "Vielen Dank dass ich bei dir schlafen kann".



hm...If I could make an observation:
Could you guys try to translate while you're telling us these stories about other languages? When you don't know what the words mean it's awfully hard to figure out why it's funny.

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## darkyam

Mewingkitty, if the online translator I used was any good, Jo-Jo's German line translates into "I love you".  Ricardo's line translates to, "Thank you very much that I can sleep with you."

Teylyn, Ricardo, et al, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

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## Cheeky Charlie

Whilst in Paris a couple of years ago I kept saying "Je suis Angleterre" (I am Eng_land_), to a few rather lovely Parisienne waitresses, amongst others.  This was totally deliberate, the embarrasement was experienced largely by the rest of the band, some of whom were far too cool for school, which made it all the more fun... tee hee

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## teylyn

Installed Office 2010 beta today. Just getting back the double-click to format chart elements was worth the 700 MB (almost) download!

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## rwgrietveld

I hope it's better than charts in XP. I liked the 2003 charting much better. Now i'm charting with VBA as that works just like the old days.

... Another crime is the Names Interface. We need a manager all of a sudden. 2003 was straight forward, but XP makes it so that now you need to be an expert to make a simple Name.

... last is the Conditional Formatting. What is that all about in XP.

Progress(?) is hard to stop.

Teylyn,
If you have additional comments on 2010, be welcome.

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## teylyn

I've yet to play with it some more, but my home computer happily runs 2010-ß and 2007 side by side. In my efforts to do more with macros I also appreciate that 2010 includes certain charting manipulations in the macro recorder. 2007 left out quite a bit, and I like the approach to record, study and change a macro. With 2007, a lot of charting macros were impossible to record, but now it's better.

I also like the backstage/file tab that replaces the hideous Office button. 

Unfortunately, F4 to repeat the last action does not work with charting objects (no change since 2007), and the formatting dialogs are still broken up into several tabs with lots of white space. In 2003, you could do a lot of things in one dialog box, like set a few parameters for a data series, then select the next data series - F4, next - F4 etc. but with 2007/2010 you have to do it *all* individually.

Grrrrr.

I'm excited about the sparklines. I've tried several sparklines demos and free add-ons for 2003, but they weren't very portable. You had to have a certain font installed, etc. to be able to see them, so creating a management dashboard and sending it to the CEO was difficult. 

Not that the CEO will benefit much from my trials with 2010  :Smilie: , coz my company is still on 2003. I doubt they will jump to 2010 in one leap, but I like to be juuuust a little bit ahead.

On the other hand, I have access to XL 2000 on the old machine, 2003 at the job, 2007 and now 2010 at home, so that's not too bad ...

I will post what I find +++ and --- in the next few weeks.

cheers

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## DonkeyOte

> If you have additional comments on 2010, be welcome.



one of the big things being talked about re: 2010 is PowerPivot (free add-in)

general consensus from those "who know" is that this will be _massive_





> ...another crime is the Names Interface. We need a manager all of a sudden...



the original Name Manager was developed I *think* by Jan Karel Pieterse (MS Excel MVP) for people running earlier versions who hated not having a utility like that in the first place - it was used by a lot of people...  

_that said given there's a 2007-10 download on his page also I'm not sure how closely the MS version relates to his but functionality seems similar!_

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## Jo-Jo

> Installed Office 2010 beta today. Just getting back the double-click to format chart elements was worth the 700 MB (almost) download!



Teylyn, stay on-topic in the off-topic <only joking>  :Smilie: 

I got my XP laptop back from repair a couple of days ago and although they were only changing the screen, they somehow managed to put the hard drive and installed programs back to factory settings... why!? <grrr>.

Just getting back on off-topic and music (which was off-topic from the original off-topic  :Confused:  )... does anyone have any songs that invoke memories or just the 'back-o-the-neck' hair raising?.

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## teylyn

Jo-Jo, there may be some parallels with the "retro music" thread that NBVC started ... but if I *really* want to raise my neck hairs, it'll be Barbra Streisand (*yuuuUUUCCcckkk* _I can hear some of you say_), or, on the other end of the spectrum, Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique - FULL BLAST. 

I'm kind of torn between Broadway, 80's mainstream pop, and no-nonsense Classical music, so, probably not a good example.

<crawling back into my hole>

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## martindwilson

Pachelbel's Canon for me glass of wine feet up bliss, or something like 
Mascagni's Intermezzo from Cavalleria rusticana  
Henryk Gorecki's Symphony 3

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## teylyn

> Pachelbel's Canon



 -- I've played that so often, I can do it in my sleep. My part has only 8 notes. repeated 256 times, I think.

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## Cheeky Charlie

Hooray, my iPhone arrived yesterday!

Follow the crowd!

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## teylyn

Hope you didn't shave off that mo' yet. Would look uber-cool combined with an iPhone!

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## Jo-Jo

> ...  on the other end of the spectrum, Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique - FULL BLAST.
> 
> I'm kind of torn between Broadway, 80's mainstream pop, and no-nonsense Classical music, so, probably not a good example.







> Pachelbel's Canon for me glass of wine feet up bliss, or something like 
> Mascagni's Intermezzo from Cavalleria rusticana  
> Henryk Gorecki's Symphony 3



I know next to nothing about the classics, but I do enjoy listening to some, also opera... very emotive. Strangely perhaps, a single phase in a pop song or sometimes a good instrument solo will give me goosebumps.

I usually pay the 'dirty' instrument which I think there is still an adversion too as far a classics go <perhaps I'm wrong?>

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## martindwilson

as i recall wasn't movember a kiwi thang?

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## teylyn

I think it started in OZ, but quickly moved around the world. Good thing. Interesting facial developments during Movember. Lots of relief when December finally comes around.

 :Smilie:

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## teylyn

I'm not one for fluff and pink frills, but I *love* the Excel 2010 splash!

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## Cheeky Charlie

Mo has gone, sadly, my "it's all a bit of fun and it's for charity" nonchalance ebbed when women started laughing in my face (more than normal).

I was talking to someone a few days ago, who was explaining that Movember led on to Decembeard, follow up by Manuary.  I'd look like a Yeti.

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## teylyn

> I'd look like a Yeti.



LOL, just as I said before:





> Lots of relief when December finally comes around.

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## martindwilson

wait for febrazillian then

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## Jo-Jo

> as i recall wasn't movember a kiwi thang?



I think my mother-in-law started it Martin!  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic):

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## rwgrietveld

> wait for febrazillian then



Not only season wise, but also the gender wise, it must be a Teylyn experience. She already has to miss Movember, Decembeard and Manuary.

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## teylyn

> it must be a Teylyn experience. She already has to miss Movember, Decembeard and Manuary.



Oh, no! Ladies can join Movember and raise money for the cause. Just the mo' growing bit requires the help of some mascara!

*edit*: or photoshop

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## darkyam

Teylyn, I don't think you can make comments like that and not post links to pictures.  :Wink:

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## teylyn

All right, then, but please keep in mind: None of those ladies is me!

http://nz.movember.com/mospace/86175/
http://nz.movember.com/mospace/68124/
http://nz.movember.com/mospace/97047/

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## darkyam

Since you enjoy spelling/grammatical errors so much, I hope you caught the one Honey made twice.

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## martindwilson

i like the festive avatars! donkyotes's makes me laugh!

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